The Greatest Tests of Faith...

Today I'm focused on God's tender and attentive care when it has come to difficult trials in my life. I remember the many small but incredibly meaningful things He's done through the years to bring me to this amazing place where I can both recognize and accept His help in stressful times. Remembering the many trials that have built faith slowly and steadily, reminds me of a woman's labor in childbirth. The pains become gradually more intense but because the body and mind have had a chance to adjust its bearable under normal circumstances. If, however, you were thrown directly into the last phase of labor, the fear, stress and pain would be unbearable! God does so many things in patterns - birth, death, building faith through trials to name a few. I've come to believe that these are not so very different from each other. Having given birth twice and having been at the bedside of now 4 very dear family members each in their turn at the end of their lives has provided clarity on the link between the labor of birth, the labor of death and faith building through trials. All three are painful in a productive way, they each follow definitive and predictable patterns under natural circumstances and are all bearable especially with God at your side. Birth and death both involve strikingly similar stages of labor which grow steadily more intense but with natural processes built in to make them bearable. The trials of our lives seem to follow this same pattern of growing intensity but with more faith being built through each one so that we become more able to handle the next trial. Recognizing that the Creator of the universe is focused on my relatively small life leaves me awe inspired, humbled and incredibly grateful.

As in many trials, laboring in childbirth or death requires intense support, comfort and gentle words of encouragement from loved ones. When a loved one is dying - in the last stage of life, you find yourself hoping that the end will not be long in coming. You pour your heart out to God with tears, asking Him to ease your loved one and allow them to have rest from the labor of dying. Though sadness comes with the death of a loved one, there is also relief when their final stage of labor is over and they are at rest. If you have been blessed to have cared for them through to the end then you have been cradled in God's hand and you know it without question. Your faith has been bolstered, you have seen His hand on your loved one. You have grieved slowly, in stages, leading to their final push to the end. You have done all that you could do to comfort and encourage them through their final trial. In birth, the labor ends with a new beginning for a little baby, ideally the father and mother hold her dreamily, maybe not quite grasping the reality of the long road ahead. Each stage of parenting will grow more intense, building on the last - another familiar pattern. So I'm reminded to follow God's instruction to take each day as it comes without worrying about tomorrow. God is preparing us for tomorrow, leave that in His hands. He will not allow us to fall into a final stage of labor without having prepared us for it. He will not allow us to suffer unbearable trials. He knows exactly what we can handle because He has been the One slowly and steadily building our faith, with great purpose, to handle each new trial that comes. He is building in us Godly character and faith each step of the way. Don't ever let seeds of doubt and fear take root lest you lose heart, God is intently focused on the suffering and trials of His children and gives us so many small and wonderful signs to let us know that He is caring for our many needs in such a way that we cannot even fully grasp.

What Happens After Death?: http://www.gnmagazine.org/booklets/AD/

Holiday shoppers trample employee to death and keep shopping...

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2008/11/28/2008-11-28_worker_dies_at_long_island_walmart_after.html

I don't know that there are any words to add... sickening. If you watch the video clip on the New York Daily News article page (above link) you'll even hear people who are standing around watching the EMT's work on the guy - they are laughing, talking, carrying on completely disconnected to the human life that was just lost...

Pings, Patience and Big Picture... Keys to Happiness

So many times I've cut in front of God in deciding what He would want me to do (for the sake of time of course) and pressed on under great stress because I wasn't sure whether it was the right decision. (Of course it wasn't! I'd only reasoned that God would want me to do the thing I wanted to do -- totally different than actually doing what God wants you to do... sorry for the run on). The process of making stressful life decisions tempts us to choose based on what would seem likely to lead us out of the stress most quickly. But "the way that seems right to a man"... is almost always wrong. Unless you have prayed, meditated & WAITED - waited for God to show you the answer, you can be pretty confident that you will drag out your stressful situation much further than need be. This subject can be so confusing - especially in the early days of learning to follow God's Holy Spirit as it pings your conscience... Those pings take some training to recognize and further training and faith building is required to learn to follow them courageously (I have been known to be quite the coward many a time!). God trains us by positive reinforcement and by allowing us to suffer trials through which He can build powerful faith. Every single time we recognize that ping from God's Spirit in our conscience and we choose to follow it - we are rewarded in spades. We receive peace and confidence and comfort in knowing that the most powerful creator God the Father and His Son are intently focused on us and leading us personally by the hand when we choose to follow. There is no greater reward. He gives us everything we need to be happy. Making the decision to follow God's lead in a given situation is always the hardest part - after you get past that part, its all downhill because He then gives you the strength and courage you need to follow through.

I often consider that the things I used to believe represented security and happiness are NOTHING - less than nothing - compared to what I have now. My life looks so vastly different now than it did just a short 8 years ago. My husband was relating trials that led to our conversion to friends today and so its on my mind. We appeared back then to have it all - perfect homes, nice cars, lots of money. We cared about our friends and family, were fun and generous to boot. I loved my career and was extremely driven to be the absolute best at anything I was doing. Looking back on it now through eyes washed with many tears from many trials, its easy to see that what I really wanted then was recognition - the money was just a bonus. I wanted to be something special. "I" is the key word here - it was all about me. I achieved everything I attempted plus more and thought that I was pretty talented - but more importantly others thought that I was special. What a shame that in the process of becoming so "successful" my marriage almost fell apart and I had no relationship with God - but that was something I didn't waste too much time thinking about - what really mattered was that I kept conquering new levels of success one after the other. The irony in my case was that the more "success" I attained the less I appreciated what I had already attained. How sad to have been so absorbed in something so futile and meaningless in the big picture of God's plan for us. Today I am by no means well off, could care less about the latest fashion, drive a Jeep Cherokee that has almost 200,000 miles on it (still have a BMW from the old money days but it is almost embarrassing to me to drive it - a deeper discussion there I suspect). I wouldn't go back to that lonely, miserable, pointless life for any amount of money. I now consider myself to be in boot camp, having been broken down and built back up - serving a better purpose and waiting on God to show me if there is a healthy way to use the talents He has given me. There is a certain type of challenge that comes from professional work which I do miss at times, but until God has developed my character to suit His purpose for me, it seems clear that He does not intend for me to return to the professional arena. I'm for now just thankful that God has been so patiently developing new facets of my character so that I might be so blessed as to one day help in achieving His awesome goals.

Original hebrew scripture allows for earth to be as old as scientistists believe...

The link below will take you to a study on the book of Genesis from United Church of God's bible reading program. I looked it up to remember the details because I saw a show on tv making fun of christians who apparently believe that the earth is only 6000 years old. At about the 3rd bold title down on the page (website below) you see that the lesson explains in great detail, the original hebrew words and how there is easily room for the earth to be as old as scientists believe it is... Understanding scripture in its complete form is one thing I feel is critical to helping us and by extention our kids, understand that God is real and is completely logical and scientific. Hope you find it helpful. - have a great week, Jennifer

http://www.ucg.org/brp/brp.asp?get=daily&day=1&month=February&year=2002&Layout=

Really it took a month to put up a new post?

I felt completely spent after the last post. I haven't felt like writing at all since then which is pretty unusual for me. Today I feel like I need to write but I don't have the energy to devote to crafting words to convey the feelings and weight of soul that go along with preparing to care for a loved one through their final days... the feelings that go along with the image stuck in your mind of the feeble elderly man who weakly smiled at you from underneath tubes and oxygen mask so happy to see familiar faces.

Little Girl Not Forgotten

Last night I had trouble getting to sleep because of thoughts that needed some working through. This happens once in a while and I've just accepted it and don't bother fighting for sleep anymore. I have thought about my biological father a little more often since a visit with a friend where we discussed our sadly similar childhoods as far as being abandoned by our fathers. Although I used to think that I'd reached some resolution about it I now realize that's not the case. Occasionally, like last night, the wound opens unexpectedly and its impossible to close it quickly enough to prevent the flood of emotions from pouring out. Last night I started out thinking that my little daughter who adores and looks so intently to her parents for approval is about to turn 6 years old. What an age - she's just beginning to learn the importance of her place in our family, the importance of her place in the world, what her destiny can possibly be. The journey will be long and focused for both of her parents, to ensure that she owns the tools she needs to succeed in 'True Happiness' for herself and her family when she grows up. Unexpectedly it then occurred to me that I was just her age when my 'daddy' whom I adored and looked to for approval, left us and didn't look back or so it seemed to me. He sadly compartmentalized us into a category that he could not face and so just filed us away in the past and moved on with his life. The thought of my little 6 year old losing her daddy at her age makes me literally sick to my stomach. Parents divorcing or leaving their children behind is something that happens so frequently in this age and apparently continues to grow worse as more justifications are now accepted as credible. I've heard parents say things like "its better for the children - they shouldn't be around all that arguing" or "I can't offer them what they deserve so they're better off without me around" Translation: "I want to live the way I want with more independence but without the nagging conscience so I will justify it away". I would go to the ends of the earth to prevent my children from knowing the pain and long term suffering of losing a parent - surely because I have lived it and I understand what it really does to a child and how it affects their entire lives as they become adults with so much baggage to overcome. When parents divorce, kids don't just lose one parent - they lose both. This is because inevitably the 'single' parent left with the kids ends up having to work more and/or is stretched too thin to care for the enormous emotional needs of even normally developing children, much less those of emotionally unstable children of divorce. Its clear that the family was designed to have both parents working together at full throttle to meet children's needs emotionally & physically. Anybody who has kids, knows that even with two people it sometimes feels as though you can never get caught up. What makes me the most sad about my father is the wonderful memory I still have of him before he left. He would come home on Fridays from driving a truck and we would wait watching the door when we heard his truck drive up. I still remember so vividly the way it felt when he opened the door - the squeals of excitement and pouncing on him. He'd hoist me up and sometimes give me his chewed gum (to me a special privilege). I remember exactly the way it felt to be held in his arms his smile and teasing way that made you feel like a million dollars. Kisses all around, playing horsey on the floor with the boys. I remember once when he had at least 3 kids hanging on him, one on his neck, one his back and one, probably the baby, he held in front as we walked across the "trail" to our grandparents house where he picked a fig and shared it with me. He was such a huge part of me, I loved him so much and will never forget the 'feelings' from that happy time. There aren't many more memories of him - most have faded. I remember the day that he left for good. It was right at dusk on a warm evening. Apparently mom (mama at that time) and daddy had explained that he was moving away though I don't remember that part. I do remember following him out to his truck where he gave me a hug said "I love you baby" and drove away. I remember the exact way his truck looked the exact way the lighting was and the exact way it felt to watch him drive around the corner, past my grandparents house and out of sight. I stood there looking in the direction his truck had gone for a long time, hands clasped on top of my head off and on. Desperately willing that he would come back. I stood there in the yard alone for a long time as the light faded in the sky. I didn't want anybody to see me cry. That would become who I was thereafter, never to let anybody see me cry and never let anybody in. At some point - maybe in the following year I wrote him a letter and remember begging him to please come back, with drawings of a crying faces along the sides. I look back now on that and see the significance - how completely confused and hopeful I must have been still to have thought that he might come back if I could just get him to understand how much I was hurting. He didn't answer my letters or come back, and when he did visit maybe once a year he'd always bring a girlfriend to put between us and himself. I now know that he did it because he was afraid to face us alone. Eventually I began to feel resentment toward him and remember telling mom that I hated him - she would always just say "don't say that, you don't mean it - he loves you in his own way - he's had a hard life" not very helpful to me at the time. She did the best she could. Having 5 kids and no financial support from their father meant she didn't have time or energy to coddle her now wrecked children as they tried to cope with their enormous loss. I became very introverted - playing mostly alone on the playground, extremely insecure and anxious to the point of not being able to walk with a natural gate - desperately shy and afraid to put myself out there which made it difficult to make friends. Its funny I haven't said the word 'daddy' in many, many years in reference to my father - and strangely as I thought about him today I realized something. I remember still talking about him frequently after he left and still referring to him as daddy - I don't know for how long maybe several years. Of course I still referred to him as 'daddy' because that's all I knew him to be. Eventually, as kids do, I transitioned to calling him 'dad' - but I never understood why this subject has always been sensitive for me. I just realized now that its because 'daddy' was a term with deep feeling attached - of mutual love, devotion, security, adoration. I guess the significance for me is that when I stopped calling him 'daddy' and switched to 'dad' - he wasn't even a part of my life - in a way it was as if I finally let go of my daddy and stopped hoping he'd come back. Maybe I was old enough at that point to see the reality. To this day the term 'dad' has no feeling associated with it for me. His leaving us behind went against everything I knew up to that point in my short life. All that I'd known to be true and certain was suddenly turned completely upside down and I couldn't count on any reality to be what I thought it was. I remember feeling very confused, deeply frustrated, sad and worst of all - alone, no matter if others were around. Thanks to God for my oldest brother who was 11 at the time - he suffered quietly in his own way and took on the responsibilities of comforting and caring for us little ones and never letting us see that he was down.

I still struggle to forgive my father - and my mother for her part whether fair or not. It's not because I don't want to forgive them, but because I don't know how yet. I am working on it and completely trust God to grant it to me in His own time and in His own way - I wouldn't even speculate how it will come about. My dad has had a terrible life and I can't even imagine going through the things he has but so far that hasn't helped me reach true forgiveness. I've been surprised and amazed so many times at the way God provides what we need and at the way He answers our prayers. It almost never happens the way I expect. But it always works out better His way than anything I could have dreamed up myself. I'm learning to trust Him and be patient. That's worth everything when it comes to those things in life that frustrate and confound us. As a young kid - no older than 10 but maybe even younger - I decided certain things about the way my life would be when I grew up. I knew that I would marry a man who would be a very good father and husband and would never leave us - no matter what - I reasoned that most likely to get these qualities I'd have to forfeit any hope of being attracted to the man (I'm not kidding - at age 10 I dreamed this up) but I was committed to that sacrifice. I also knew that I would stay home with my children and have a happy home. These things God has given me in His own time and way - and an attractive husband to boot! He has provided for me all that I could have hoped for and much more. And definitely not in the way I expected. And I have learned that He expects you to work hard for it but he mercifully gives you the understanding and encouragement you need if you ask for it sincerely. Its a meaningful and full life if we understand there's a much greater purpose for it than just following the masses of unhappy or uncertain people who go through life not being sure what it's all for. Writing this has been surprisingly emotional for me - I've cried sitting here but feel grateful more than anything for where I am now - as I sit here I'm being served play-dough cookies and water from my little chef who's using my muffin tins to tout her wares. I have my happy home. God never left me and He never forgot my pleading prayers from so long ago.

Gray Singing to Jolie Chicken...

'Jolie' the chicken naps on Gray's lap as he sings her a lullaby. I can't make this stuff up.

Temptations: Customized To Your Special Weaknesses

Its so easy to think of temptations in broad terms. For instance we could easily determine right from wrong in terms of lusting after someone Else's spouse. But what about breaking the Sabbath or dishonoring our parent(s). The nuances can be almost infinite and how we continue to overcome our weaknesses with regard to each commandment from God can make the difference between getting stuck in a rut or continuing to grow. I've felt completely overwhelmed at times, wondering how I can be worth anything to God if I can't even conquer the basics. Lets consider honoring our father and mother. Frankly I never gave it much thought after moving away from home. I always assumed it was intended mainly for children living under their parents' roof. I have come to believe that this is absolutely not true. It can be so trying as an adult to honor your parents - you are now an independent person with a family and plenty of responsibilities. But God doesn't say to "Honor your parents if they.... [enter your wish list here]" They could be the most overbearing tyrants in the world for all it matters and we are still not relieved of our duty before God to honor them. Same thing in marriage - the wife is to honor her husband - not "if he deserves it". We have responsibilities before God and we must fulfill them if we want to honor Him - there's no way around it. I'm glad that Christ didn't wait to come down until mankind "deserved" His sacrifice!
Its funny, the word "temptation" makes me first think of a few broad categories probably because they are plastered all over pop culture. But Satan knows us very well - he knows the responsibilities we have before God. He knows each of our weaknesses much better than we know them ourselves and he wants more than anything to bring dishonor to God through our disobedience. The only way to defeat him is by staying close to God. If we do that one thing then the rest of our lives fall into place naturally and our needs will be cared for no matter what they are. The scriptures that say not to worry - can only make sense to someone who stays close to God and trusts Him. The comfort that comes from God's presence is not something you can describe to someone who hasn't experienced it. But its the only thing that will get us through those otherwise unbearable trials some of the worst maybe yet to happen. He works in such unexpected ways - caring for us so attentively. I've never stopped being surprised at the intricate ways He's intervened - maybe that's a sign of my still young faith. Maybe when I'm 80 I won't be so surprised :)

Preparation for the Sabbath

A sigh of relief, the Sabbath is here. The last preparation day is through... I've been honing my Sabbath preparation routine for some time now, the goal being to get everything done during the week so that the Sabbath can truly be a restful experience. Sure we don't mow the lawn or paint the house on the Sabbath but the actual event of getting the entire family fed, dressed, packed and out the door by 9AM for morning services can definitely be exhausting. The turning point in my mind happened after hearing a minister say that every day leads to the Sabbath, every Sabbath leads to the Holy Days, Every Holy Day leads to the Feast of Tabernacles, every Feast of Tabernacles leads to the Kingdom of God. Around that same time I heard something that impressed on me the importance of preparations. If we don't do our preparations in the days leading to the Sabbath, then we are in effect breaking the Sabbath before it even arrives. To me that is sobering. Its so hard to put the Sabbath ahead of everything all week long - when I want to put off doing some errands or laundry or work outside, I have to remember that I'll be pushing it to get everything done by Friday evening and then we go into the Sabbath frazzled, tired and sometimes cranky... which still happens in our house, but we have a goal and are working steadily onward. Today, thankfully, went very smoothly thanks to some focus during the week and so today went as planned and the kids were in bed on time - hooray! What a wonderful feeling - to have nothing left to do! I even filled the coffee pot, pre-made breakfast so we can have a truly relaxing morning. Granted, a lot can still happen between now and 9AM tomorrow, after all we do have a 3 year old boy who's mission in life is to find or create messy situations to revel in. But I always find that God rewards us for those small efforts to please Him. He always smoothes the way so we can experience the satisfaction that comes with obeying His commandments.

Discipline... The Dreaded Parental Responsibility...

Oh you day dream as a child about the day you will finally be free of discipline and be able to make your own decisions... well its great until you have kids yourself. Then you realize that the other side of discipline is worse. Because you have to make the heart wrenching decision to allow your kids to suffer consequences from bad choices - pretty much daily. All the while knowing you could easily rescue them or let them off - ending the suffering. But that wouldn't be true love would it? I don't believe so because one day when they're 35 and embezzling money from their employer or abandoning their family - who's really to blame but the parent who never effectively got across to the child that bad decisions always = bad consequences. That's the hard part - the "always". When we're tired or just mentally worn down from a particularly willful child on a day when they really want to see if you can be broken. These are the days that make or break your success in child training for the long haul. The kid who wins on these days seem to then casually forget everything you've worked so hard to instill in them about obeying their parents "always". They realize they have power and can sometimes win in combat with "the man" who's keeping them down. They realize that you can be broken... And the willful child you had... becomes 10 times more willful - the taste of victory too sweet to let go easily. Its mentally challenging more than anything. We have 2 completely different children - our daughter almost 6 is mostly respectful and obedient - cares what we think. Our 3 year old son just seems to make sport of pushing our buttons. Yep he's apparently going to be our life's work. I don't have any amazing revelations just yet but consistency and accountability are not surprisingly key so far. I suspect he's playing with our heads though. He'll change the game on us as soon as we've figured this one out.
We want him to follow rules because he wants to - not because somebody is watching him... there's a huge difference. What incredible pressure as a parent! If we fail in our strategy to have him own his responsibilities as a human being, a Christian, a member of our family... then he will likely be vulnerable as an adult to suffering a lot of serious consequences based on a belief that accountability only happens when you get caught. Mind you he's only 3 so I'm sure that my paranoia could be put off a few years - but all the same we absolutely have to be successful now if we're going to have any hope of being successful in years to come. So we tell ourselves daily - don't give up, don't let down your guard - no matter how sad the face, how sweet the "sorry" - bad consequences only work if they always follow bad decisions. We have seen it time and again and the funny thing is that if you're consistent and calm the kids don't hold any resentment towards you. As the parents we're just carrying out the justice part and we can extend mercy on the level of consequence depending on the attitude of the perpetrator but even the most remorseful attitude doesn't take away the consequence completely. Yes consistency is definitely key. Though it almost goes without saying that just as important as bad consequences is finding opportunities to pat them on the back for making good decisions - no matter how small. They light up when they realize you appreciate something they did and clearly they need to feel this contrast in order for bad consequences to have an effect. Making sure there is no resentment brewing anywhere is important to me for the long term goal of producing healthy, responsible adults - I've found so far (granted we are only 6 years in) that we can overcome bad attitude with our daughter by talking about it until she truly understands why a bad consequence had to be given and why the rule was in place in the first place. We've so far been successful in getting her to put herself in our shoes and surprisingly its been very effective. Involving her in a real discussion by asking what she would do if she were us - "should we allow our kids to just beat each other up?" "What would you do if you were the parent?" Luckily she's a reasonable girl and honest - so she responds to this. The 3 year old doesn't seem to resent bad consequences, but then he seems not to care about consequences at all. Wait a minute... maybe that's his scheme! He gets us to believe he doesn't care and we eventually give up! Oooohhh the plot thickens...

Green Smoothie Experiment

A friend shared some great information about Green Smoothies per "Green Smoothie Girl" on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXr8-jru1KE Having small kids who are picky eaters can be so stressful. You want them to eat more fruits and veggies but its hard for adults to get enough much less kids. I also have an elderly father-in-law who has few teeth left and has trouble chewing anything substantial.

I bought my spinach and fruit and prepared for disappointment. This morning I started out with the goal of getting my kids to give it a chance - so I cheated a little. Here is what I put in the blender: 2 bananas, about 1 cup of strawberries, 1/2 C frozen organic blueberries, 2 handfuls of organic spinach, about 1/2 C organic rice milk (to get it moving in the blender) and 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream... yes I did.
Results: I really liked it, after some hesitation my 5 year old daughter tried it and liked it - our 3 year old picky eater refused to try it but later came in hot from outside and picked it up absent mindedly. Apparently it was a hit because he then carried it around with him sipping for a long time. I'm encouraged!! Wow, what a great relief to know I'll be able to get our greens in so easily each day. I'll post more results as we try new things. Of course the goal is to eliminate the ice cream and increase the greens to fruit ratios slowly as our mentally ill tastebuds adapt.
Hoping to plant a small fall garden with different types of super greens - will let you know how it goes. Apparently a fall garden in Southern Oklahoma can be put in between late August through September depending on the plants. A quick search online produced a very thorough list of plants/dates for my area.
Have a great day and try the smoothies - you'll be suprised!

Simple Eating

Today I cooked some whole wheat elbow noodles, added butter, pinto beans and cheese for the kids and then thought - hey I have a beautiful homemade salsa in the fridge and some leftover feta... after a little taste test I stirred up a big bowl - it was a DELICIOUS concoction. I wish I had more imagination sometimes instead of relying out of habit on recipes for inspiration. Simple eating often turns out to be the most healthful and rewarding. It occurs to me that our forefathers ate very simply and were much healthier than we are. It also occured to me that we all may be eating that way again if our economy/world status continues to decline at this rate.

Homemade Salsa Recipe (the addictive type)
Sorry about the lack of precision measurements - I just add things until I like the flavor - here's how my process goes:

FRESH SALSA:
Fresh ripe tomatoes (maybe 6-8) cut them in sections and squish out the seeds with your fingers Fresh garlic (maybe half of a large head) - peeled
1 medium onion
Fresh green chilis (seeded)
Fresh jalepenos (seeded)
Parsley - a handful (you can substitute all or some with Cilantro if you like)
Apple Cider Vinegar (to taste - I put about 2 Tablespoons)
Salt/Pepper to taste
Organic Tomato Sauce (to taste) I used 2 small cans at the end to round out the flavors

Put as many vegetables as you can in the food processor and go till finely chopped - dump it in a big bowl and repeat until all are chopped (I chop mine finely - adjust as you like).

The veggies will be very juicy in the bowl - add salt, pepper and vinegar to taste then add tomato sauce if you need to round out the flavor.

As a variation - when you're ready to eat this with chips - add a little sour cream in your individual bowls and stir - addictive.

It freezes great.

So what does happiness cost anyway?

Not as much as it would seem at first glance. For us, it began by me giving up my career that I thought I needed - thought I loved. We knew that having children was something huge - we never intended to have them unless we were willing to commit everything to raising them right. What is "right" when it comes to raising children? Well everybody has their own definition. What has worked for us and so many others whom we've observed has been to spend TIME, and I mean a lot of time, raising our kids. Common sense would say that kids don't just magically turn into caring, productive, successful adults - it takes a LOT of work and strategy for many years to get them to that point. Whoever says parents are not responsible when the kids turn 18, is in my opinion a little out of their mind. There is plenty of room for kids to make bad choices and even kids raised in the best circumstances sometimes make terrible decisions as adults. But what we hope is that they have the tools from their careful upbringing to recognize and change their ways before its too late.

For us the sacrfice is nothing compared to what we'd sacrifice if we didn't spend the time we are now developing their character and giving them structure. My field of work paid very well when I left it - yet we truly don't give a second thought to where we could be if we had the money we used to have. The thought of missing our children's first mistakes, their first questions, their first imitations of the people around them - in our minds there is no contest - the ramifications of not being there for those life shaping moments in our children's lives are far too great. The cost of having true happiness and family health can seem too high at first glance. For that reason many won't ever take the chance and find out that the cost is actually very little when compared to the enormous gain. So to all the humble housewives and mothers who choose to give this stage of their lives to their families - I would say thank you for sticking with it. Its not easy and apparently not highly esteemed by society at large - but one of the most critical jobs on the planet... in my humble opinion.

No Heroics Here...

A comment on the last post made me think about the reality that the 3 prominent causes I am currently focused on (becoming a good wife, raising children, caring for parents) are truly the most critically important challenges I may ever face (aside from spiritual growth which goes without saying). Each cause is so extremely complex and yet I feel as if there is not nearly enough time to process, analyze or exact anything resembling strategic heroism. And even if there are a few heroics here and there.... who's going to send out the company wide report with your celebrated achievements for the quarter? Maybe I'll teach the 5 year old to use power point. Sure there are things I learned in business that help me in my life today but not many. Its a whole new world and though strategy is critical in the big picture - the day to day requires almost constant thinking on ones feet, choosing battles to win wars, being the bigger person (the hardest and probably most effective of all!), making sure your loved ones feel loved and appreciated. Call me insensitive but I never worried extensively about what Bob at the office felt like after a professional disagreement... Emotion-free zone - do what you need to do and people leave you alone - oh how I took it for granted! I am of course exaggerating to make a point - my work was pretty high pressure but of such a different sort! The pressure has changed from needing to achieve for mostly selfish reasons back then to keeping dependant human beings alive, healthy and emotionally stable 24 hours a day... a little different type of pressure... but the rewards are so much greater than any company wide report.

Happy Sabbath

Today is another Sabbath day for those Christians who observe it. There were some years where I lost sight of my beliefs and as a direct result lost sight of the purpose to life. Why are we here? If its to make more money to have more stuff and impress more people and be more comfortable (supposedly) then why aren't the poor people through evolution, dying out? Pardon my sarcasm please. I am grateful to have come to realize the error in my path to "success" and as a result have found deep peace, meaning and happiness in life. And for the record I'm not sitting around doing yoga and singing kumbaya... far from it - I'm in the trenches of motherhood and caring for elder parents while trying to learn what being a good wife really means. The life changing commitment to these three very important causes can be overwhelming and exhausting at times. But beyond that, believe it or not - there is deep happiness, gratitude and peace. I have all I ever wanted and more and it came in the most unexpected way. More later... after all I am a mother - things to do, people to feed!