Discipline... The Dreaded Parental Responsibility...

Oh you day dream as a child about the day you will finally be free of discipline and be able to make your own decisions... well its great until you have kids yourself. Then you realize that the other side of discipline is worse. Because you have to make the heart wrenching decision to allow your kids to suffer consequences from bad choices - pretty much daily. All the while knowing you could easily rescue them or let them off - ending the suffering. But that wouldn't be true love would it? I don't believe so because one day when they're 35 and embezzling money from their employer or abandoning their family - who's really to blame but the parent who never effectively got across to the child that bad decisions always = bad consequences. That's the hard part - the "always". When we're tired or just mentally worn down from a particularly willful child on a day when they really want to see if you can be broken. These are the days that make or break your success in child training for the long haul. The kid who wins on these days seem to then casually forget everything you've worked so hard to instill in them about obeying their parents "always". They realize they have power and can sometimes win in combat with "the man" who's keeping them down. They realize that you can be broken... And the willful child you had... becomes 10 times more willful - the taste of victory too sweet to let go easily. Its mentally challenging more than anything. We have 2 completely different children - our daughter almost 6 is mostly respectful and obedient - cares what we think. Our 3 year old son just seems to make sport of pushing our buttons. Yep he's apparently going to be our life's work. I don't have any amazing revelations just yet but consistency and accountability are not surprisingly key so far. I suspect he's playing with our heads though. He'll change the game on us as soon as we've figured this one out.
We want him to follow rules because he wants to - not because somebody is watching him... there's a huge difference. What incredible pressure as a parent! If we fail in our strategy to have him own his responsibilities as a human being, a Christian, a member of our family... then he will likely be vulnerable as an adult to suffering a lot of serious consequences based on a belief that accountability only happens when you get caught. Mind you he's only 3 so I'm sure that my paranoia could be put off a few years - but all the same we absolutely have to be successful now if we're going to have any hope of being successful in years to come. So we tell ourselves daily - don't give up, don't let down your guard - no matter how sad the face, how sweet the "sorry" - bad consequences only work if they always follow bad decisions. We have seen it time and again and the funny thing is that if you're consistent and calm the kids don't hold any resentment towards you. As the parents we're just carrying out the justice part and we can extend mercy on the level of consequence depending on the attitude of the perpetrator but even the most remorseful attitude doesn't take away the consequence completely. Yes consistency is definitely key. Though it almost goes without saying that just as important as bad consequences is finding opportunities to pat them on the back for making good decisions - no matter how small. They light up when they realize you appreciate something they did and clearly they need to feel this contrast in order for bad consequences to have an effect. Making sure there is no resentment brewing anywhere is important to me for the long term goal of producing healthy, responsible adults - I've found so far (granted we are only 6 years in) that we can overcome bad attitude with our daughter by talking about it until she truly understands why a bad consequence had to be given and why the rule was in place in the first place. We've so far been successful in getting her to put herself in our shoes and surprisingly its been very effective. Involving her in a real discussion by asking what she would do if she were us - "should we allow our kids to just beat each other up?" "What would you do if you were the parent?" Luckily she's a reasonable girl and honest - so she responds to this. The 3 year old doesn't seem to resent bad consequences, but then he seems not to care about consequences at all. Wait a minute... maybe that's his scheme! He gets us to believe he doesn't care and we eventually give up! Oooohhh the plot thickens...

Green Smoothie Experiment

A friend shared some great information about Green Smoothies per "Green Smoothie Girl" on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXr8-jru1KE Having small kids who are picky eaters can be so stressful. You want them to eat more fruits and veggies but its hard for adults to get enough much less kids. I also have an elderly father-in-law who has few teeth left and has trouble chewing anything substantial.

I bought my spinach and fruit and prepared for disappointment. This morning I started out with the goal of getting my kids to give it a chance - so I cheated a little. Here is what I put in the blender: 2 bananas, about 1 cup of strawberries, 1/2 C frozen organic blueberries, 2 handfuls of organic spinach, about 1/2 C organic rice milk (to get it moving in the blender) and 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream... yes I did.
Results: I really liked it, after some hesitation my 5 year old daughter tried it and liked it - our 3 year old picky eater refused to try it but later came in hot from outside and picked it up absent mindedly. Apparently it was a hit because he then carried it around with him sipping for a long time. I'm encouraged!! Wow, what a great relief to know I'll be able to get our greens in so easily each day. I'll post more results as we try new things. Of course the goal is to eliminate the ice cream and increase the greens to fruit ratios slowly as our mentally ill tastebuds adapt.
Hoping to plant a small fall garden with different types of super greens - will let you know how it goes. Apparently a fall garden in Southern Oklahoma can be put in between late August through September depending on the plants. A quick search online produced a very thorough list of plants/dates for my area.
Have a great day and try the smoothies - you'll be suprised!

Simple Eating

Today I cooked some whole wheat elbow noodles, added butter, pinto beans and cheese for the kids and then thought - hey I have a beautiful homemade salsa in the fridge and some leftover feta... after a little taste test I stirred up a big bowl - it was a DELICIOUS concoction. I wish I had more imagination sometimes instead of relying out of habit on recipes for inspiration. Simple eating often turns out to be the most healthful and rewarding. It occurs to me that our forefathers ate very simply and were much healthier than we are. It also occured to me that we all may be eating that way again if our economy/world status continues to decline at this rate.

Homemade Salsa Recipe (the addictive type)
Sorry about the lack of precision measurements - I just add things until I like the flavor - here's how my process goes:

FRESH SALSA:
Fresh ripe tomatoes (maybe 6-8) cut them in sections and squish out the seeds with your fingers Fresh garlic (maybe half of a large head) - peeled
1 medium onion
Fresh green chilis (seeded)
Fresh jalepenos (seeded)
Parsley - a handful (you can substitute all or some with Cilantro if you like)
Apple Cider Vinegar (to taste - I put about 2 Tablespoons)
Salt/Pepper to taste
Organic Tomato Sauce (to taste) I used 2 small cans at the end to round out the flavors

Put as many vegetables as you can in the food processor and go till finely chopped - dump it in a big bowl and repeat until all are chopped (I chop mine finely - adjust as you like).

The veggies will be very juicy in the bowl - add salt, pepper and vinegar to taste then add tomato sauce if you need to round out the flavor.

As a variation - when you're ready to eat this with chips - add a little sour cream in your individual bowls and stir - addictive.

It freezes great.

So what does happiness cost anyway?

Not as much as it would seem at first glance. For us, it began by me giving up my career that I thought I needed - thought I loved. We knew that having children was something huge - we never intended to have them unless we were willing to commit everything to raising them right. What is "right" when it comes to raising children? Well everybody has their own definition. What has worked for us and so many others whom we've observed has been to spend TIME, and I mean a lot of time, raising our kids. Common sense would say that kids don't just magically turn into caring, productive, successful adults - it takes a LOT of work and strategy for many years to get them to that point. Whoever says parents are not responsible when the kids turn 18, is in my opinion a little out of their mind. There is plenty of room for kids to make bad choices and even kids raised in the best circumstances sometimes make terrible decisions as adults. But what we hope is that they have the tools from their careful upbringing to recognize and change their ways before its too late.

For us the sacrfice is nothing compared to what we'd sacrifice if we didn't spend the time we are now developing their character and giving them structure. My field of work paid very well when I left it - yet we truly don't give a second thought to where we could be if we had the money we used to have. The thought of missing our children's first mistakes, their first questions, their first imitations of the people around them - in our minds there is no contest - the ramifications of not being there for those life shaping moments in our children's lives are far too great. The cost of having true happiness and family health can seem too high at first glance. For that reason many won't ever take the chance and find out that the cost is actually very little when compared to the enormous gain. So to all the humble housewives and mothers who choose to give this stage of their lives to their families - I would say thank you for sticking with it. Its not easy and apparently not highly esteemed by society at large - but one of the most critical jobs on the planet... in my humble opinion.